I came across this comparison of world religions and ideologies online: it's one of those chain-mail things plastered all over the place...
Taoism: Shit happens, go with the flow.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: Shit happening is the will of Allah.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon, and it won't happen to us.
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good if you open your heart to it.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
I couldn't help but add a few of my own:
Jainism: Let shit be.
Zoroastrianism: Keep the lavatories clean.
Nyaya: What's the proof of shit?
Yoga: Hold your breath and force it out.
Descartes: I shit therefore I am.
Darwin: The shittiest survives.
Bayes: Eat shit, twenty billion flies can't be wrong. (The ancient internet tagline fits perfectly for the statistical analogy)
Nietzsche: Shit depends on where you look at it from.
Shankara: Shit is me.
McDonaldism: I'll give you shit. You give me money. The US will never bomb you.
Bushism: I like this tit, so however is when I, well, sometime since many people think for the time I was the president.
Baudrillard: The shit exists not only as shit itself, but also as an elusive product of the need to produce shit, as we wear ourslves out eating to render shit visible, while still finding it impossible to cancel out the secret that shit cannot be produced, for each one of us holds a simulation model of shit, and tries to shit to coincide with the pre-existing model, while the need to shit itself becomes more pressing when there is nothing to shit out, just as just as the will to live becomes more urgent when life has lost its meaning.
Ramanism (Ramana Maharshi) - Who is this shit happening to?Gurdjieffism (George Gurdjieff) - Stare at the shit.Oshoism - Enjoy the shit, but with awareness.Hugh Hefner - Fuck this shit.Science - How did this shit happen?Philosophy - What is the purpose of this shit?Mysticism - There's more to this shit than what meets the eye.Tantra - This shit is holy.Freud - This shit is psychotic.Jung - This shit has a persona.Arvind Kejriwal - Expose this shit.Kapil Sibal - Hide this shit.
While major one's are already covered, here are a few:Kabirism: Khud ka shit, khud me hai... jaag sakey to jaag!Bob Maar-ley 'ism': cRazY shit!Dostoevskian: I am the shittiest of all shit!Camus/Absurdism: shIT doesn't matterSartreian: That shit is getting old.Thoreauism: It's not the shit that matters, it's the smell.Krishnamurthi: You have to look at the very content of shit. What makes the shit? Where does it come from? What's it's actuality? Until you aren't aware, you will always suffer in this shithole!Peter Joseph/Zeitgistism: They(U.S.) made shit so that they could control more a*sesHikers: let's run away from this shit!
Haven't laughed like I did a minute ago since a long time now.well here is what is coming to my mind for now.Apatheism: I don't give a shitAgnosticism: I am not sure of this shitFlying Spaghetti Monster: sHiT!Narcissism: I, me, myself 's Shit!Secularism: my shit belongs to none of the 'Shit' mentioned above.