I came across this comparison of world religions and ideologies online: it's one of those chain-mail things plastered all over the place...
Taoism: Shit happens, go with the flow.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: Shit happening is the will of Allah.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon, and it won't happen to us.
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good if you open your heart to it.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
I couldn't help but add a few of my own:
Jainism: Let shit be.
Zoroastrianism: Keep the lavatories clean.
Nyaya: What's the proof of shit?
Yoga: Hold your breath and force it out.
Descartes: I shit therefore I am.
Darwin: The shittiest survives.
Bayes: Eat shit, twenty billion flies can't be wrong. (The ancient internet tagline fits perfectly for the statistical analogy)
Nietzsche: Shit depends on where you look at it from.
Shankara: Shit is me.
McDonaldism: I'll give you shit. You give me money. The US will never bomb you.
Bushism: I like this tit, so however is when I, well, sometime since many people think for the time I was the president.
Baudrillard: The shit exists not only as shit itself, but also as an elusive product of the need to produce shit, as we wear ourslves out eating to render shit visible, while still finding it impossible to cancel out the secret that shit cannot be produced, for each one of us holds a simulation model of shit, and tries to shit to coincide with the pre-existing model, while the need to shit itself becomes more pressing when there is nothing to shit out, just as just as the will to live becomes more urgent when life has lost its meaning.